I had the intuition that I was never going to cleanly get away with this.
'I'm not that arrogant, and I'm certainly not stupid.'
Recently, I've come to doubt that thought of mine.
Maybe I really am too arrogant. Maybe I really am stupid. Worse still, maybe I'm both.
Either way, I've been had. And by the most unexpected of adversaries.
This reckoning was neither precipitated by spiteful former comrades nor capable, malignant rival.
The culprit was much more effective, much more sublime, and oh so much sweeter.
And it really is the more nefarious of poisons, the one that is palatable, that encourages to drink from it in hurried gulps.
To counterbalance the sweetness from becoming cloying, this undoing includes a finishing note of exceptional bitterness.
This assailant was a mere accomplice. Myself, all past sins inclusive, were the masterminds orchestrating this operation.
It's left me wondering. Have I finally earned my spot in the pantheon among Faust and Tamburlaine?
What good is anticipation and estimation if none of it serves to ready for the actual impact?
Do I live out what I actually believe in?
From this last sentiment, I collect some measure of resolve.
I've made my choices, committed to the actions, and now I must suffer the consequences. The edict of Galatians 6:7.
There simply is no way around it. I have to be okay with the outcome, whatever it may be.
Evidently, I need to learn this hard lesson yet again. And I will be taken to task until it finally sticks.
My only wish is that all this did not occur with you.
If only we had met later, when I would have been better equipped and more capable. Perhaps wiser.
Painfully, I've thought about how many secrets I've indulged in you, in an effort to bring us closer together.
The more you got to know me, taken in conjunction with what the others knew, the more you feared.
It really is despicable where this thought of mine leads.
It makes me regret ever revealing anything to you. It suggests I should've continued to obfuscate the truth.
But I cannot stand it, the notion that I should leave you in the dark. You don't deserve that.
And, simply put, I fancied you enough to chance vulnerability.
To the tail of the comet,
I bid my farewell
It will return to the end of the dream
While I will be left behind here
[end transmission]