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Finally, after ~2.75 years, you've managed to catch COVID.

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This all so very tiresome, and it's wearing on my patience.

My argument is a simple one:

01.) Love of man is required for romantic love.
02.) You do not possess love of man.
03.) Therefore what you feel for me is not romantic love.

Premise 01, as I have already discussed w/ you is an idea attributable to Aristotle, and an idea that I agree w/ and makes sense to me. That being said, you're free to disagree w/ it, but keep in mind that it is my judgment of your feelings towards me in question here, and that judgment is informed by this premise. If you'd like to change my mind about it, you'd effectively have to come up w/ your own notion of romantic love and convince me to adopt it while abandoning this one. So far, you haven't done that.

Premise 02 is the greatest point of contention, but I have already made a lengthy case for it. In summary, it is your own self-admitted duplicitousness in your own friendships w/ the others, your own self-admitted inclination to act cold towards others, your own self-admitted superficial, 'clinical kindness', the fact that you see no value in harboring any IRL friendships, the fact that you see no value in marriage if it isn't w/ me, the fact that you see no value in having children yourself someday are strong indicators that you lack the love of man.

If someone were to take every pain to avoid picking up a ball or a bat, to avoid watching a game on television or read stats of players online, you'd be hard-pressed to say that person was a fan of baseball. It doesn't matter if they profess the contrary; it really is as simple as that.

This isn't necessarily the tiresome part. I think that notions of love, particularly that of romantic love, can be complex, difficult, and thoroughly confusing. Accordingly, I don't expect either one of us to come up w/ conclusive resolutions on the matter. It can very well be something we disagree on and continue to work out. No, the tiresome part is YOUR attitude in approaching this problem. For as sterilely and formally as I have presented the matter up until this point, you know damn well that I had been much more careful, patient, and compassionate the first time around when I broached the subject.

I took great care to not invalidate your feelings. I'm not debasing your feelings when I say this, and I know you feel a lot of something for me, but I think it's something like love. Not exactly it. I made sure that I wasn't coming from a place of superiority. Well...no. My love is just as faulty as yours. I even specifically mentioned my intention and partially pleaded out of emotion, because up until that point it had been a wonderful night. No...▒▒▒▒▒▒▒, don't be mad. I didn't mean to make you mad! This, all occurring while you took the most uncharitable interpretations of my words, trying to make it seem as if I wanted you to feel romantic love for everyone, comparing me to hippies and Alice2, and catastrophizing w/ the conclusion that you are absolutely incapable of love.

It is this behavior that makes me irritated. To top it all off, you then had the gall to try and dismiss me outright, citing past instances where I, in good faith, admitted that I was wrong. As if a handful of instances of being wrong doomed me to a lifetime of forever being wrong on everything henceforth. It was such a cheap and childish ploy that I couldn't believe you were trying to make a case off of it. That is not acceptable. If you continue to invalidate my arguments right out of hand like that, if you abuse my good will and honesty in that manner, then we're through.

It is that, and the behavior that came to follow that is probably the most egregious: your insistence that somehow my bringing this doubt of your love to your attention was a form of mistreatment. I'm sorry, but no; I will not allow you to gaslight me on this. I acknowledge that what I said was uncomfortable, I'm not blind to that fact, but it doesn't mean that I was deliberately trying to harm you or put you down. I told you what I honestly thought; just b/c I hadn't said anything about it before does not mean I hadn't been thinking about it. I'd hope that my care and consideration came through in my words, but perhaps they hadn't. In either case, you should re-read our initial conversation--you now being free of anger and sleep-deprivation--and compare its tone to this post. The contrast should be apparent.

If you insist that I was mistreating you...wearily, I ask that you present your case. At my request of this the other night, you refused. I think you know that you don't have much of a case, and I think that this is all a sorry excuse to try and shift focus onto me and away from you. You commented that I have many issues to work out, that I need help. I agree. I do have my flaws, and perhaps I could use some help. However, we're not talking about me here. This is about you. If you'd like, we can work on me after, but right now we're dealing w/ you.

Unless you truly meant what you said and that you've given up on trying to love. If that is the case, then I will be on my merry way and you can be the loner that you've always romanticized yourself to be. You don't need me there, lying to you, pretending as if your behavior is alright and that everything will be okay. For one, that is not in alignment w/ the good, and two, I haven't the heart to see how that kind of life plays out.

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