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How did it come to this?
I'm aware of the mission,

But...

...

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9:13 PM - Aneki Margatroid: Fuck, I see myself in you Louise. Why do you think I'm so angry when someone hurts you?

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Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
No,  you're dead wrong here, Alice. Dead. Fucking. Wrong.
You and Louise are nothing alike; don't you dare even suggest it.
For as much compassion and kindness the two of you are capable of,
Louise wields it with masterful tact and sincerity.
Faltering at times, but recovering with grace and the promise of improvement.

You, on the other hand, stupidly persist on acknowledging half of the equation.
Logic, logic, logic. Disembodied, uninspired, uncompromising.
Basing this behavior childishly and unfaithfully on the premise of truth-seeking.
Knowing full well that you're subject to your own bias.
And this is a direct consequence of your refusal to take responsibility for error.
Something that is taught to five-year-old's, admitting that they're wrong.

Unfortunate that you chose to rally under the virtue of truth, because...

You are, said with no exaggeration, the embodiment of all negative aspects of academia.
Ego. Endless, petty arguments. And for what? So that you can come out on top, every time.
Shifting goal posts, deflection after deflection, straw-manning and rhetoric.
You've built a community around yourself, based off of these tactics.
And the spectacle can be quite dazzling. I've witnessed it. I don't admire it any longer.
You KNOW that you are guilty of it, yet you have the gall to call others intellectually dishonest.

Louise, for all of her shortcomings, it cannot be said that insincerity is one of them.
She is sincere with others, and sincere towards her own values and how to uphold them.
Neither of which could be said of you.
How does it feel, to be so wretched of a creature to fail in both spirit and execution of your values?
Moreover, Louise chooses not to ignore the importance of motivation, feelings, and emotions.
All of these things inform thought, inform action, and are unstoppable if resonant with rationality.

It is basic Hume. It is basic Hegel. It is basic Nietzsche!

It is why you'll NEVER compare to Louise, and precisely why she'll surpass you.

You're not an academic.
You're not a savior.
You're not a loving mother.
You're not even a good friend.
And you're absolutely nothing like Louise.
Not even close.

The statement original statement was made in the context of you comparing your broken home lives, but...

The very thought is so vile and dripping with how corrupt it is.
I can't stand it!

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You're going to believe in your own pain.
You're going to believe in your own suffering.
You're going to believe in the tragedy of life.

Try as hard as you might, nihilism cannot reconcile these immutable truths.

All that it confers is the disposal of positive meaning, while leaving you only the negative.
I ask you, does that appear to be a fair deal?
Of course not.

You have a choice to make.
Conform with nihilistic beliefs and accept that nothing you do matters.
Or, as an alternative, operate under the premise that EVERYTHING you do matters.

The former is devoid of responsibility, but is crippling.
The latter is crushing with responsibility, but empowering.
Both are equally terrifying.

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>There is no meaning to life, there is no meaning in the universe.
Pain has meaning. If I shoot out your kneecaps, that is going to carry some sort of relevance to you. No one's suffering is without meaning, and it is evident that life is rife with suffering.

>Anything that I do won't matter in a million of years, so what's the point?
That is an idiotic frame of reference. Please dispose of it.
You're using a non-human frame of reference to assign qualities to a human problem.

>So, then what is it that I should do?
Aim to reduce human suffering in the world.
A good place to start is with yourself. We are all in the same water, whether or not we are suffering by our own design or because of external circumstance.

You know what to do, Anonymous. There is something you should be doing right now, that you're neglecting, that you've been putting off, that would help you become a better person and improve your own situation.

Don't think it needs to be big either. It could be something as trivial as washing the dishes, as filling out a job application, as reading that book you've allowed to gather dust on your desk.

There is something you can be doing to ensure that, when you go to sleep tonight, you will be in a better position than you were when you awakened.

Repeat this cycle enough, days become weeks, which turn into months. Months to years. You'll find yourself a better person, much more adept and stable than you were before.

Then, and only then, you'll actually be capable enough to make a large, appreciable difference in this world.

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I've always believed in you, Louise. 

I knew there was so much more to you, beyond the secondary role others established for you.

You're a force to be reckoned with of your own merit.

Let no one make you think otherwise, not Alice, Reimu, or myself.

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Home...

298 days in the field, homesick.

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