[begin transmission]
How competent are you?
The very question plagues me tonight; I cannot rest until I get something down.
Thinking to the greater context, of these types of communities cropping up over the years,
The popular sentiment is to help whoever in whatever one can.
Doesn't matter what the problem is, break-up, mental health issue, an off day at work or school.
Invariably, someone will offer up their words of encouragement, advice, and care.
In some instances, the words might even be genuine, a step above a glib platitude or soothsaying.
But it leaves me wondering, in these valuable instances, should anyone really be doing anything?
I've always been a strong proponent in the power of the individual. The power to elicit change.
Every word said, every action performed, has a very real consequence that has an impact.
Sometimes, it isn't immediately self-evident, but it manifests itself later, or in some subtler way.
And this is true for absolutely Every. Little. Thing. As well as for every little nothing.
Because those words you never said? Those things you never did? They'll cost you.
Moreover, they won't just cost you, but they'll cost the people around you too.
No one is absolutely stand-alone in this world; I've tried to be, in the past. It is impossible.
Absolutely everyone exists in a network and are tethered together, for better or worse.
The very nature of the resulting injunction is too heavy to bear and may very well be crippling.
Every little thing you succeed/fail to do or say may worsen your life. That fact by itself is harrowing.
Every little thing you succeed/fail to do or say may ALSO worsen someone else's life.
It's no small wonder why people don't like to take responsibility for their actions. It's terrifying.
To conceptualize more concretely and relating back to the aforementioned communities,
Consider the case where you are being used as an emotional dump by another.
That is, the relationship is primarily characterized by ceaseless 'venting' by one towards the other.
Assume that you are not happy with the arrangement, but reluctant to say anything.
Let's examine the consequences of succeeding/failing to say or do what is necessary.
Your failure to protest is costing you time, effort, happiness, and opportunity. That much is obvious.
'That is fine.', you might reason. 'I don't value any of those things of mine, and I give them up freely.'
Aside from being incredibly short-sighted, you are also being fatally egotistical.
Consider the person who is doing the dumping. Your acquiescence is only promoting the behavior.
It is only communicating to them that the pattern of behavior that they're engaged in is permissible.
Consequently, they're going to go out there in the world, with this misconception in mind.
A misconception that can potentially harm any future relationships that they come to form.
It doesn't end there, either. Likely, you have a few friends or acquaintances in common.
They might be aware of the relationship between you and the offender.
It is not too hard to accept the fact that people are influenced by those that surround them.
Ideas and attitudes are spread, sometimes actively, sometimes passively, as a by-product of this.
In your silence, in your refusal to address your concerns, what are you transmitting to others?
That it is okay, perhaps even noble, to become a target of such abuse. Victimhood is virtue.
It's how such awful ideas become normalized. By a sequence of people observing, but doing nothing.
It is how pathological ideas spread. And there are some out there that are far more sinister.
But I'm getting beyond my original point. Where does competency come into play?
So, you might come to accept that either way, you're going to pay for whatever it is you do or say.
Or whatever you don't do or don't say. So, you dare to speak your mind in both words and action.
But there is another layer to be addressed here that may, once again, bring pause.
How are you certain that you are saying or doing isn't going to cause harm?
Are you competent enough to ensure this? Do you have expertise or mastery?
Should you
really be directing other people, about things you yourself might struggle with?
Well, as it turns out, like a great deal of many other things, it takes a leap of faith.
Sometimes, you have to risk it, and make choices to the best of your judgment.
Otherwise, nothing will get done. You'd be frozen by fear and crushed by responsibility.
And the reality of it, is that sometimes you WILL falter and you WILL fail. It is to be accepted.
There's a measure of comfort to be taken in the fact that good advice, good direction is a possibility.
And it's only fostered through the wisdom of experience and being well-read.
This should mitigate some risk, though never really eliminating it. Error will always make room.
That is what informs my opinion that people who insist on helping should take care of themselves.
You don't know anything. Learn something so that you're not useless or detrimental.
You're ill-equipped, malnourished, sleep-deprived, and unfit.
Work to acquire tools, eat right, get adequate rest, exercise. If not for yourself, for the good of others.
Because if you're not operating at your very best, you're not giving those you help, your very best.
These are not some empty, self-help doctrines that I'm peddling. It's a very real imperative.
It is your moral responsibility, as someone who desires to reach out and help their fellow man.
You must offer your utmost competence; your very best. And that is accomplished via self-care.
Anything less is negligence. And negligence is sin.
[end transmission]
