Dear 2B,

You know, I opened up this email, and for a second, I was a bit surprised.
"Maybe there could be different ending here".  That first line really got to me, honest!

Then I realized you published these emails but cut out the end.
You included my best friends email in your blog dear, you probably should have figured I'd google it.
What's wrong Toobs, don't want people to know you are trying to patch things up with me?
Or that I might be confused by such a sentiment?

That's the 2B I know. I like how you dismissed that we're doing something meaningful too.
Yeah, uprooting someones life and planting them somewhere new while demanding answers sure isn't meaningful.
Pretty sure Reaver's reply to that is going to be "I'll show you my lease when you show me yours", but let's do move on.

I can't answer those questions until you answer mine: "What did I do to justify these actions, according to those who did them".
or more simply "What did Dag, Blu, Enth, and Mako decide I did that made this okay".

You said you'd speak with those involved and get me that answer....six months ago.
How exactly can I determine responsibility or accountability without knowing the full situation?
I'd say one has the right to face their accuser, but at this point, it's more like the right to know of what one is accused of in the first place!

So if I owe you an answer, you owe me one first.
I'll answer as soon as I've got that information. So. Probably never, given you aren't even willing to ask the question.
And genuinely, I'm not trying to stall or whatever. I can't answer the question of culpability, responsibility, or even precipitation really without that information.
How can I establish what even my POSITION in this situation is without knowing this information?

But hey. Let's look at the current evidence.
We have answers from Dag: he admitted fully to simply being envious and that I did nothing to even precipitate this reaction.
Blu as well admitted that their reasons were vacuous and that they fully knew well they could have been wrong, that their actions were petty.
Even Enth has admitted that they trusted someone they shouldn't have, that their actions were beyond the pale.
So that's 0/3 so far. Still, without knowing what inspired Enth to share the details with Rory, we're at an impasse.
Apparently Ori and Mako were also involved, so it'd be nice to hear from them as well.

A disagreement isn't a personal attack, and I've not construed it as such.
What we have isn't a disagreement. This situation is not merely a disagreement. It's peoples lives.
You might not believe that, but I ask you at least believe I believe that.

I also have no illusion that you are the "next" Bernkastel or Eva.
Right or wrong, you are already the person I've had to contend with.
If you think it incorrect....rewrite the ending.

P.S. Ask Nyan, we went all through it. But I'll just mention how you always seem to be incredulous about things we've already sent you proof of.

YET AGAIN PRESSED ENTER TOO SOON.

God DAMN it new gmail. 

My example was the proof that Dag had threatened Reaver's family, which we sent in an email to you in January and yet you claimed no knowledge of any such information later on around May or June. It's very disingenuous to be told you don't know of any such attack after being given meticulous screenshots and evidence. Kinda makes you look like someone who ain't got an open mind.

- Alice

[begin transmission]

Alice2,

Is a girl not allowed to have a change of heart? True, before all this I didn’t want anything to do with you. But our spirited discussion changed that.

My original demand, that you leave the doxing incident itself in the past (mostly because nothing formal or meaningful is being pursued on yours or Reaver’s part) still remains.

I’m simply not interested in talking about that with you. I am, however, interested in your take on what you should be held accountable for in the incident.

You owe me an answer to two little questions I posed to you, during our exchange.

1. In your estimation, what amount of responsibility do you bear in this doxing incident?
2. Given how you often deal with vulnerable populations, what do you consider to be responsible, appropriate behavior

I’m still very interested in your thoughts on the matter. Genuinely; please don’t interpret this as some sort of attack on your character, but sincere questions.

I want an honest discussion, between just the two of us if possible. I won’t publish any of it either, if that is what you wish.

If you won’t decide the call, then I will. Let’s continue our conversation; I’m taking you up on your proclamation of being an open book for anyone to read.

And maybe, if you pay attention close enough, you’ll come to the realization that I have been open with you all this time, but you’ve been interpreting them as transgressions against you.

Here’s your chance, for us to have an actual conversation. For you to be ‘proven wrong’ when it comes to your impressions of me.

A disagreement with you isn’t a personal attack, Alice2. Whatever schema you have constructed in your mind, that I’m the next Eva or Bern or whatever to contend with…that’s incorrect.

So, how about it?

-2B

P.S. Thirty contradictions? Please forward to me the itemized list. I could use the constructive feedback, and I might be able to clarify any misunderstandings, if any.

[end transmission]

2B,

This is what you said you wanted. It's what Louise said you wanted. It's what Nyan said you wanted.
Now you don't want it? And here I thought I had heard it from the horses mouth, so to speak.

This isn't sudden; it's been a sentiment I've heard echoed since before last Christmas.
Yet until, well, this incident, I was working quite hard to see if this distance could be repaired.
So no, you were not alone in this sentiment; I thought I was.

As I said, I will always be available, if you initiate communication.
I have no problems with you beyond...what we've already discussed.
You quite clearly seem to have problems with me.
There are quite a few things you've said I could take offense to, and I'm quite sure you said them for that reason.

So perhaps you can see why I'd be perplexed; am I the frog and you the scorpion?
You may think me paranoid, or as you said that the well has been poisoned by the lines of Eva and Bernkastel, but that's not it.
Every actual conversation we've ever had, even back to when you were doxxed has had you acting like a total bitch who refuses to even acknowledge anything brought up to her. Kermit and I have counted no less than 30 times you've directly contradicted yourself.

As well, let me correct you: I did not drop this issue nor did I wish to. I was forced to.
Getting an apology from those involved is the bare minimum that should be done to resolve this situation.
There's no fucking way anyone can reasonably state that saying "I'm sorry" is too much of a burden.
That's something meaningful not done.

But both Reaver and I were willing to let this go last year, after Enth gave his details to Rory.
You may notice we did not demand any sort of apologies until Dag started spouting his damn family members names in chat.
That's what made Reaver lean on me to lean on you.
He no longer believes that it is possible to convince those who have wronged him to apologize. That all this is doing is harming me.
So he's taken me off the case.

I respect his wishes. But don't think for a second this is over.
It just won't involve me.
And will probably involve Initial D references.

Disillusioned is my word, Toobs. But no, I'm not disillusioned.
How could I be? You followed the game plan I predicted to a T.
If anything, I wish I had been wrong.
Still, I'm sure you've got some surprises left for before I go.

No problem on the spammers.
I anticipate you'll continue to be bombed.
Let me say upfront no, I am not spamming you (I'd be able to hit you every 3 seconds).
I've directed my attention in bots to providing an automated way to identify threads with people in need, and automated systems to help them.
If you see someone posting an OP that looks like mine but has pictures of Connor from Detroit Become Human, that's my beta.

Feel free to say hello.

Ah, gmail is the worst. I was still workshopping that email. 

Oh well. It's close enough. It's not as if putting hours into this is going to magically get my eloquence sufficiently high to convince you of anything.

Please read it in the tone of...someone miffed but calm. I think it should flow fine as long as you don't take it too much to heart.

Let's tl;dr it:

1. I thought not communicating with me was something you wanted. If it isn't, feel free. You set the rules.

2. I'm not wise, just listening to the person harmed. I was summoned to help and now dismissed.

3. You are predictable and power hungry but as long as you are helping people as well as satisfying your ego, I'm not disillusioned.

This isn't harsh, but blunt, you Nietzsche wannabe; read some Locke to balance yourself out, and help you not cross lines that shouldn't be crossed. 

Yeah, I took Philosophy 101 too. <4 (imagine this said semi jokingly, haha but 4reals tone it down)

4. You'll still get spammed and I won't deploy Misaka Worst for you but I'll still be working to get rid of the spammers and protect free speech on /b/.

So I may be helping you unintentionally, but I won't touch your threads.

5. I'm automating my deployment of force on /b/ to combat this threat and to assist in helping others.

Alright, that seems pretty good. 

Hopefully this comes across well and not as arrogant, condescending, elitist, grand standing, or...I don't know. Unempathetic.

As I said in my first email, and I truly do mean this, anyone who tries to help people on /b/ is someone I support.

Even if you doxxed me yourself, I'd do that. Because that's what it means to be Alice.

So take all of this with a bit of salt. 

But I'll leave it to you where to draw the lines. I reject you saying "Your call".

I'm the one who is an open book for anyone to read, and you a closed one with a lock.

Can't expect me to know where to draw the line if only you know what is going on in your head.

But as Louise said, the chances of you opening up to me are very close to zero.

So be explicit in what you want. I can't divine it from you when we haven't once had an actual conversation.

Even my empathy isn't that good.

With love,

Alice

[begin transmission]

Alice2,

Oh? What’s with this sudden goodbye? There’s no need to completely halt communication.
Prior to this discussion about the doxing incident, I thought we were getting along well enough. Am I alone in this sentiment?
I think you made a wise decision in dropping the issue. And no, I’m not just saying that because it was my primary recommendation.
I genuinely think It is for the best, for everyone involved. Everything meaningful that could be done, has been done. Damage has been sustained by both camps; it’s time to tend to the wounds.

You certainly got that right; we disagree fundamentally on a number of things, but disagreement is no good reason why we couldn’t continue to treat each other amicably.
Unless you’re sufficiently disillusioned with me, then I’d understand and we could maintain our distance. Your call, Alice2.
Even if we are to never contact each other again, I want you to know that I learned a great deal from our interaction. You have my thanks.
I only hope that you were able to extract something valuable from our exchanges as well. Else half of this enterprise was done in vain, I’m afraid.

Anyway…thank you very much for passing on this information regarding the spammers to me.
And thank you for giving me a heads-up, regarding Reaver’s response to my email.
Strongly worded you say? Not unexpected. I’ll hear him out, regardless.
I’ll be waiting patiently.

Take care,


-2B

[end transmission]

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Rules do not exist to bind you, they exist so you may know your freedoms.

[begin transmission]

What is this?
Honestly, what am I even doing here?

9,900 km from your everyday life.
You've come all this way with no clear objectives in mind.
This is no point of origin. Nor are there any ties that bind; those have long since decayed.
And yet, you thought it was appropriate to come all this way, shirking duties on the home front.

For what? To be stricken with your typical melancholy and moodiness?
No, no, no. No. Don't start with that kind of talk. You know damn well what you came here for.
Articulate it, get those thoughts out as best as you possibly can. Write it out.
Worry about clarity later; get those fingers moving; off-load mental content into the environment.

There is sentimental value attached to this place, that keeps you coming back, reliably.
True, you don't have any business to tend to here. But no one said this was a business trip.
No friends nor family to visit either; that rules out traveling for leisure.
The roads are as engraved into your psyche as they are well-traveled; this isn't a tourist vacation.

Yet there is a good, compelling reason for why you are here. Else you wouldn't have made the trip.
What is it?

There is something so incredibly enduring about this place.
The sense of kinship I have to the locale, despite nothing being here for me.
Upon initial inspection it's certainly something to do with memory.
That's to be expected though. You spent the majority of your life here.

You visited the schoolyards, storefronts, backroads, cafes, cathedrals, and plazas of your adolescence.
The ones that still remain, anyway. Time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses.
Odd reference to have dance into mind, but the wisdom behind the phrase rings true.
The mausoleums, cemeteries, and gravestones visited stand in testament to that knowledge.

This is something more than mere nostalgia at play, however.
Were it so simple. Then, at the very least, the feeling could be relatively satiated
This is something else, something a little less easy to describe exactly.
My best approximation is...gratitude.

I made this journey out of a sense of gratitude. Okay, gratitude for what and to whom?
Immediately obvious are my recent achievements, which I attribute to my parents.
Not because they did it for me, of course, but because they made the possibility, possible.
Without them, I'd literally not be the person I am, today. Probably much worse. Or dead.

To them, I owe my life and all of my accomplishments. Despite everything that has happened.
All the bitterness and resentment that shouldn't exist between mother and child.
All of the regrettable, hurtful exchanges and painful rejection and denouncement.
I still love them dearly. That will never, ever change. No matter how much I might think otherwise.

But even then, that doesn't quite add up. Your parents are not here.
That gratitude is somehow inextricably tied to the very land you sit upon.
It's baked into the bleached, powdery, white sand under the impromptu picnic you've prepared.
To see how far you've made it, given the sub-optimal preconditions, graduating step-by-step...

...Stop. You need to work that thought out and develop it.
That was shameful, ▒▒▒▒▒▒. To try and brush it under the rug.
You're not being very honest. You're hiding something you don't want to admit to.
Confront that thought, ugly and wretched as it's implications might be.

You really are a silly little doll, aren't you?
So eager for strife that you'd recruit yourself as an enemy saboteur of the worst kind.
There is something that is violating your conscience and it is your duty to bring it to focus.
Then, perhaps some utility from this little escape of yours could be derived after all.

[end transmission]